Can I Call It a Blessing?
by kapelka
Summary: A small one shot about Winchester's feelings in "Sons and Bowlers". I think it was a great episode to see the true side of this character.


**Hello Guys! Sorry I'm being a bit of late with my other story, it's getting done though:) I just have a bunch of assignments to finish first...**

**Anyway, this one is just a very short one shot. I was feeling rather down and I needed to pass my unhappy thoughts on the paper (or computer). Sorry if it's sad)**

**I hope you'll like it. "Sons and Bowlers" is one of my favorite episodes and I hope I had done Winchester right. I like his character a lot and this was the way I saw him in that episode.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own MASH.**

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><p><strong>Can I call it a blessing?<strong>

What do people say about ghosts? What are they? All these legends about various grave yards, haunted houses or cursed villages have one thing in common, ghosts there are all stuck. They are the souls that were unfortunate enough to get stuck between two worlds unless they cut every link with their previous life. Does it make me a ghost? I think it does. Of course, I'm alive, I'm breathing and I'm walking… but is it enough?

Oh how I am glad my father is not here right now! What would he say, seeing his son, Charles Emerson Winchester the III in such a miserable state, doubting his place in life? But this is exactly what I am doing! Yes it was me! Me! Charles Emerson Winchester the III was unfortunate to get stuck! But was I that unfortunate? If I call this stupid twist in my life a misfortune, the others, perhaps Father Mulcahy, would call it a blessing? But can I call it a blessing? Because of a stupid card game I'm sent to the very last place where a person of my status and the surgeon of my skills should be. One could hardly call it a happy chance, and, even less, a blessing. Was it a blessing to share the tent, the thing that I was forced to call "home" with two clowns? Was it a blessing to operate for days without sleep and see how these young men's lives were still slipping through my fingers? Was it a blessing to see the other world I hadn't had idea of before?

Yes, I suppose it was. This is where I find myself stuck right now, between these two worlds. It brings me back to the subject of the ghosts. Unlike them, I would probably never be able to severe the links, no matter what life I would try to cut off. I don't know why I opened up to Pierce, I didn't even think about it. Perhaps I just wanted to comfort him, seeing how worried he was, but I also wanted him to comfort me, to listen to me, because I couldn't keep it anymore. I wanted to see with my own eyes and to hear with my own ears what the love and the closeness that Pierce shared with his father looked like. Even if I could convince myself that it all was a fake and Pierce was just showing off, trying to make a good impression of a caring and loving son, right now I was ready to slap myself for doubting his devotion. Seeing Pierce in the dark office, desperately searching for any means to contact his dad, seeing such horror in his eyes, I understood that I would never be the same again. I can't describe how happy I was when Pierce had managed to reach the hospital. At that very moment I would have given up everything to have such relationships with my family or to have such relationships with my future children.

Perhaps, blessings are not always meant to bring you absolute happiness and comfort. They give you the unique opportunity to find your way in this life to make a choice. Then I can definitely call it a blessing! I was blessed to see what was missing in my, as I thought before, perfect life… and now I would do anything to have it! I know I will never be able to go back to my previous style of life as I will freeze in this cold atmosphere that my father creates. But I will still have my duties and I will still have to be the son my father had always taught me to be. Does it mean I'm stuck? Perhaps it's not that bad as I was thinking. They say that blessing is also in knowledge and I do have it. I know it now and I will always remember it. I will remember what the real family is like and I will do my best to also create it, if not as a son, then definitely as a father.

The End.


End file.
